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alyssa charity.

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About This Journal: [09/27/11]

picture taken by: mizzyddam

Wait, what?
This will just be a journal full of random tid bits from my life.

I am Alyssa Charity -- Lissa -- and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Why add?
I don't know.

hotelfloor ; myspace ; facebook ; last.fm
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So I probably should talk about what happened between Alexander and I.
I have just been talking about it so much these past two days, I don't know where to start. Let me just start by saying that I still love Alex very much, and I know he thinks he did what was best for us. That doesn't stop the hurt. That doesn't stop me from wanting to cry every two minutes.
I knew as soon as I walked into his room yesterday that he was going to do it. I know he cares about me and he loves me, but it just sucks. It makes no sense. He said it isn't fair to me if he isn't in the relationship 100%, and I know but I know I want to be with him and only him. He is the only one I want and it hurts so bad.

I am so sick of feeling broken hearted. I just want him back in my life. I hate this feeling. I just want him, I love him so much. I feel so selfish right now.
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Alexander broke up with me yesterday.
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It's that time of year again~ [11/16/10]
Once again, it is Christmas. Time for that wish list. Right now all I want is from Photojojo, but when I get home I will put some more items up.

So many thingsCollapse )
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I kind of really hate the holidays. Just because of retail. Gonna be crazy busy.
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I am sorry, guys. I was just so depressed the last time I posted that I feel like I worried some of you guys. I am sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I was just frustrated.

So I just looked at the pictures of the weddings I took earlier this summer and I am livid. The pictures i take, I try not to edit them. I swear. I try to take pictures the best way possible so there is no need to edit them. Well, apparently the colors that I decided to shoot in for probably one of the best weddings I shot weren't good enough for Roger that he wanted to edit the shit out of them so now they look like something I didn't even shoot. This wedding that we did in Cleveland on Saturday, I got some really good shots in, with natural soft lighting. I am hoping that he doesn't touch them at all. I hope that he posts them on the gallery on line because for once I am very proud of a few shots I took at the wedding.

I am sorry about the whole 10 a day project. I have been busy as a bee, working either the 1-930 shift or the 9.30-5 shift and it has just been so ridiculously hard to get eh motivation to go out and shoot. Plus, I have to work double time on Alex's present for our one year. I will try and make it up to you, I promise.

I need to develop like 5 rolls of film so hopefully when I do that this week sometime I will have some good shots to show you guys. :)
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I can't sleep right now, I have been trying to fall asleep for the last hour. It just isn't working, because every time I close my eyes I just want to cry.I have been feeling really depressed the last few days, actually crying myself to sleep the past two nights. I feel horrible typing this on LJ but honestly, I need to vent. I need to just say I have been feeling so depressed somewhere. I can't say it to my mom because of course she will worry, and I can't say it to Alex because he will say I am just being dramatic. I am just sad now.

I feel disconnected from people at work, I can't really make eye contact with anyone. I honestly have no friends here, no one would notice if I left tbh. It is quite sad that as I scroll through my contact list that I can't think of anyone who would be my shoulder to lean on right now.

Alex is currently at the Drive In with three other girls and seeing two movies that I really wanted to see while I just lay in bed and feel pathetic. I have no one to talk to, all the people who I thought were my friends last year just forgot about me.

I can't stop but feel sorry for myself.

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I fail, the Ten-A-Day is starting out rough because of several reasons.
One is mainly that I work during the day and it is a bit tough to shoot some pictures. I worked 1-930 today and obv I didn't get up early enough to make use of that sunlight. I only shot two today, but that means that you guys get 20 tomorrow.
Alex and I were talking about it today. I need to take at least 50 pictures a week, hopefully 25 digital and 25 film. For any day that I end up short and I am not able to shoot the next day I take the time to make up and upload as many as I need to make that 50 at the end of the week.

We are going to work up a plausible schedule/idea so that I can achieve the 50 a week probably tonight or early tomorrow, so I am sorry to disappoint. Just think, you will have 20 pictures to look at tomorrow. :)
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So tomorrow starts the "ten-a-day" project. I am excited, I plan to only take ten pictures a day on week days, only ten. I am going to post all ten, with and without editing.

My hopes for this project is that I will teach myself more techniques and be more patient with my work. I also hope to better myself with photoshop with this. I am don't want to be just an amateur anymore, I want to really try and be amazing at photography.

Each day, you will see posts from me with ten pictures, before and after. Each day I want each and everyone one of you to grade me. Tell me which one you like the best, and which you hate the most. Also, give me themes that you want to see; like the color red, or a picture of someone close to me, etc etc. It could just be general themes too. (Feelings, colors, places, people)

These posts will be public, and I will tag each post with the themes of the photos so you can view them. I will also be posting me on several other websites.

and of course, this live journal. Feel free to leave a comment at any of those places.

Looking forward to posting tomorrow.
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  • 09:52 Oh cat puke. #
  • 14:54 Heading to Oakland with @alexbasalyga for his advisor meeting. #
  • 16:47 It isn't even sunny out at the moment, @alexbasalyga #
  • 17:04 I hate rush hour. #
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